The Slowest Thing I've Ever Known

Merry Christmas, dearest readers! :) 

 

I was looking forward to my Christmas vacation, since the last week of school in 2012  had a few bad. . . times for me.

But the universe(thanks, universe)got out of its way to give me every students bane: assignments.

Ugh. Just hearing the word makes me shudder.

Anyways, right now I’m searching pics for my groups project for Integrated Science. AND I’m also searching for the script of Alberto Florentino’s The World is An Apple. AND I’m also supposed to search some words for Values Education. AND I also need to update my blog for Computer Science.

Work overload? Maybe. Easy? I thought so.

See, this would’ve been quite EASY for moi, but the internet connection runs so slow I had the time to run from here to China. 

Kidding! But it’s just ssssoooo slow, I wondered if there was such a thing as Snail E-mail.

Well, I have to get back to my assignments now. Sayonara!

Joke for the week:

Q: Who is the fastest singer?

A: Taylor SWIFT!

Am I Famous or Something?

A few moments ago, I’ve been looking for pictures for my English project; “The World Is An Apple”.

It was about a couple who lived in a squatters area near Intramuros. Then the guy got fired for stealing an apple for his kid. Then he tells his wife that he already has a job. The wife was happy because the guy had “changed”. Then Pablo appears. As far as I knew Pablo was a mastermind for robberies and stuff like that. And Mario, the guy, came to him for a job. Then Pablo said a bunch of stuff that said that there is nothing bad with dishonest money. Then the two of them leave the house with the woman, Gloria, screaming “MARIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Our project asked us for a photo of their house. As I typed in ‘squatters area in the Philippines’, I thought nothing was gonna pop up. 

I was surprised when pictures of squatters appeared in less than, I dunno, maybe 5 seconds, And there were like 8 pages left, no less.

Blinking, I wondered how these pictures ended up here. I mean, no by stander would take a picture of their beat-up house right? And I don’t think tourists or escurtionists would take a pic of their visit in the “other” side of town.

So, I decided to type in another thing for my project that I was partly sure would end up with no results: the world is an apple.

The Internet must have liked to correct me because right on top was a picture of an actual apple that had been bitten into, so what was left looked like the continents and landmasses of the earth.

Go figure.

I wondered who these people were, because they seemed like they had an awful lot of free time just to bite into an apple to make it look like the earth. 

Another thing I searched; my name. I was sure that this surely would not come up, since there must be like a billion people with the same name as I.

Then, when the search ended, my eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Why? 

Guess. Go on!

If you answered that my face, MY face, showed as the top result on the first page(two of them, actually, since I have two inaccessible Facebook accounts), well, you got a correct answer! And what does that get you? NOTHING! Woohoo!

Shortcutting in Excel

Our recent lesson in Computer Science involved a lot of shortcuts in Excel.

For example. .  . when you want to make a huge mesh of numbers in a specific order, like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 or 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, or 3, 6, 9, 12 or etc., and your too lazy to click and type and move the cursor and click and type and repeat it over and over and over again, there’s a simple way to do that! 

You can do it on other things too, like days of the week or months of the year. 

Before Sir Tom told us how, I thought making a multiplication table was a humongous hassle.

But, once again, he proved me WRONG. You just type a specific formula in the cell, move the cursor to cover the cells you want to multiply and SHABAAM! You have your own multiplication table! You can now print it out and sell it to unknowing  grade school kids. And then, they’ll come up to you and say,”Golly, miss! You must’ve spent a lot of time doing this!”

And then you’ll eat up all their praise and pretend to be modest and say,”Nah,kid. I ain’t that great. But you can have my autograph for fifty pesos.”

And do you know how our teachers get our average and stuff? And they’ll say that it will take them a long time to compute it all? Well, that means your teacher is either a liar, really NOT up-to-date to modern tech, or simply too stubborn to believe that a computer can grade her students correctly because Excel  can find you equivalent and average of all your tests and activities in less than a second! 

Hard to believe, I know. Impossible! I thought. Excel as a calculator? HAH! Takes a lot more than that to fool Ms. PiaPie! 

Suprisingly, I was wrong. Sigh, oh well. Can’t get everything right, now can I? 

Although for you to do all of this right, you need the proper formula. If not, well, you’d be surprised how big numbers get when you start from 0.

Don’t get what I mean? Don’t worry. Those of you out there who haven’t tried out Excel will be O.P. and as long as you don’t, I have a little inside joke.

BONUS: I recently have a knack for making waley jokes, thanks to influence from a magazine and a cat. Here comes my joke of the week

Question: What type of nut is good at Math?

Answer: a CASIO nut! (Cashew, to those who don’t get it.)

Multi-tasking

So, the last post I wrote was my life as a secretary. This post is not very different from the other one.

This weekend, I have a lot of things to do. Considering the fact that the 7 Sapphire class will spend the next weekend at campus, I want to make the most out of this weekend.

Since some stupid punk of a hacker found it funny to change my password, I have to text my other classmates to e-mail me the Parents' Consent, which, BTW, is posted on our FACEBOOK grroup. So, you can see how annoyed I am.

Then, I have to search for the history of Gymnastics and etc. about Gymnastics. I can't just borrow Lourdes' or Steph's copy or Marcia's because Sir Reginales only put the whole "May Recitation kayo!" thing for us. Don't ask me why.

We also have a presentation for Values Education class about people from around the world. That's fine by me. We even got extra time. I got the letter 'P', since we went by alphabetically.

You may ask, "Why not the Philippines? You're from there!"

You see, if I don't stray from my comfort zone, I'm gonna stay there. And, I'm also gonna find it hard when I'm forced to get out of it.

And also because my other classmate got Philippines first.

 To add to the pile, I have to print out the evolution of the Kataasang Kagalang-galangang Mga Anak ng Bayan flag for our Social Science homework, with the interpretation and also who thought about it.

I' waiting for the google results to find my a good one, so I'm typing as fast as I can since I won't be able to sign a post next week. 

It's agood thing I can't open my Facebook account, though. If I could, I'd be checking out the posts of my friends and chatting away with my classmates and friends and adding a post on muzy on how stupid and insensitive and blind boys are and I'd be sharing on my wall how hard homework is and I'd be stalking Scarlette Johansson and Jeremy Renner and Taylor Swift and . . . .

Whoah, there girl. I think I'm getting distracted. Well, as the Portugese say,adeus! 

Good bye, Facebook

I’m in freaking bad mood. 

I just tried to log in to my Facebook account. You know what happened? I couldn’t! Some stupid haceker must’ve thought it would be funny if I couldn’t log in anymore,

Well, if you’re reading this, I hope you go to TARTARUS! 

It would’ve been okay to me except this is the THIRD TIME this happened to me!!! Why me??!! WHY??!!!

I wondered how (and why) hackers do this. They’re, like, wasting all their efforts and smarts that could’ve just been used to help people like gov’t agencies, or saving the Yellow Bellied Sapsucker. 

I hate hackers now. And the Internet too, at the moment. So I’ve decided to just read books and swear off  Facebook for life. It’s boring for me, anyways.

So, I’ll just read. Three strikes means I'm out.

My Life as a Secretary

I wonder how it feels like to be a secretary.

SHOULD I ADD ANOTHER ARM, SIR?

Not the secretary of the government or secretary of school organizations. I’m talking ‘bout the secretaries of the big people. Like Tyra Banks, or the President of the United States, or Paris Hilton, or Bill Gates.

Yeah. I suppose I have a filled desk at the beginning of the day. Love letters, business letters, excuse letters, solicitation letters and maybe even death threats. Then, after I sort out the junk mail, I’ll have to reply each and every one. And I have to be a fast typer too. And, if my boss is really strict, he’ll tell me,”Sophia, I want this thing typed out, in a fancy green embroided envelope with a feather of a Haribon and ready to be sent out in 10 minutes, or you’re FIRED!!”

And I suppose I’ll be the one who will type out her PowerPoint presentations. The making of the slides, the transitions and the charts.

Glob, the charts. I’ll have to use Excel when I make the charts, so they look more real because I know, from experience, that chamba chamba of charts gets you into trouble (don’t ask me how I know; I ain’t going into that story). And, in my personal opinion, making charts are hard because Excel has the same size cells in neat rows that make my eyes want to pop out. 

And I’ll be the one making memos! I’ll have to type and write and copy paste my boss’s mark or motto, like maybe “Smize. You’re fierce!”. And when I get the date wrong, pople will follow it and waste their time for nothing. MUHAHAHA!! They just got punked!

Oh, and making documents, too! Sometimes, the people around are more than meets the eye.  If work for a spy or something, I’ll have to type in code names and “Level whatever Security” and watermarks. And maybe a “This letter will self-destruct in 3, 2, 1”. BOOM!!!

Hehehe. Just kidding. ;) Secretaries should have a sense of humor, too. Otherwise, they'd be really stressed out.